Thursday, September 30, 2010

Old Counselor

I was worried about what to write today, and I didn't think I was going to find inspiration anywhere. Yesterday's sugars were like bookends. I woke up low, was over 200 most of the day, then I crashed before I went to bed (including low at 2AM). I was frustrated and not sure of what to think anymore because there didn't seem to be any pattern to it. In my frustration, I pleaded with the diabetes in facebook to get better before this weekend. (My longest dia-buddy is visiting this weekend!) I'm getting ready to turn off my computer when I see the little red "1." Someone commented on my status asking if I'm okay.
This isn't just any "someone." This was my very first camp counselor. She was my rock at camp those years when I needed someone to look up to. The first one to make me feel like going to camp wasn't going to kill me. She's the reason my first dream job was a camp counselor. Her asking if I'm okay, well, it melts the frustration away. I don't know if she knows it, but thank you for making such a difference in my life. You still help me, 17 years later.

I've been Inspired...

From Sept. 15, 2010

I’ve been getting inspired by a lot of people lately, and it started with this girl to my right.  She introduced me to where I have since become more inspired to be a better “person with diabetes.” (I hate the proper term, I am a diabetic.  Deal with it.)  You would think my mother’s “It was never this bad when I was in charge” would motivate me, but it hasn’t.  It just gets me more upset.  The last people to inspire me are Boy Genius & Girl Genius.  School just started again and these two loves are so smart that I wish I could keep up.
REBEL: Sometime this winter, after I moved to Boston, and Rebel was looking at different summer camps where she could do a summer internship, I sent her a link to Clara Barton Camp because it is in Massachusetts.  Knowing how her parents followed her to college, I never actually thought it would happen, but it did!  A girl who has lived in the same town as her parents her entire life, suddenly was 3,000 miles away from them for 12 weeks.  And I was the one to blame! Suddenly my “attached at the ear” friend was now attached at the hip.  And one day, I get a “should I run a marathon?”  Clearly I’m going to say yes.  This is the girl who convinced me, ME!, that I could run a ten mile race, and I did.  If she had belief in me, I have belief in her, and she’s a runner to begin with.  So now she’s signed up to run the NY marathon for Clara Barton Camp.  Not only will I be beyond proud, I get to see her in 50 days which is about 6 months earlier than being lucky to see her in 9 months.  One day I get tagged in this crazy facebook picture of these bright orange sneakers, with a meter, keys, and poker in the shoelaces because I’m one of the people that is really excited she’s running a marathon.  All of a sudden I get a call because “that blogger I love” wants to use this picture!  Okay, I think you’re pretty wacky for running, so I want to see how she’s going to use this.
Now I’m reading about this woman who has had diabetes a few years longer than me, isn’t that much older than me, and is so amazingly articulate that I fear I’ll never get into grad school.  (Grad school is still very far off.)  So far in my life that people that have inspired me to do more with my diabetes were my first camp counselor (who didn’t have diabetes) and all the people I have met throughout my camp experience.  As a camper, this was an amazing feeling.  As a camp counselor and adult, this is not a great method.  While I love these people, these are not people I talk to about real life.  I talk to them about crazy songs and how great camp is because it is like a diabetes vacation.  I don’t want to diminish the value of my friends I have made at camp, but being 25 years old, it is time to start having an adult as a role model who knows exactly what you’re going through because she’s been there before.  My mother wants to be my inspiration, and I can’t blame her, but she’s mom so she’s more of a nag than an inspiration. is my internal motivator which is positive rather than an external motivator, which isn’t as positive for me (Hello early childhood degree, glad to know I still remember your little details.)
Boy Genius & Girl Genius: These two have become little loves of mine.  In the past 4 weeks of work, Boy Genius and I are good.  Even just two months ago, I never thought I’d say that.  He is so smart.  I cannot even express how his mind works.  I wish that I could.  Today we had an in depth conversation about the differences between manual and automatic transmissions in cars.  Yesterday though, on the way home from school, we were tickling each other the whole way.  That never would have happened two months ago.  I am not quite sure why this happened, but I love every minute of it.  This new-found Boy Genius makes me feel like I am making a difference, and I was skeptical of that for a long time with him.  Girl Genius is Girl Genius and just as loving and cuddly as ever.  It makes me happy/hopeful/fearful for the past, future & future.