D appointment

I did today's post a little differently than I normally do.  Yesterday was latest "endo" appointment, and there were a lot of emotions swirling around in my brain.  So I wrote the beginning of my post before I left.  I didn't know where my emotions would be post appointment, and I wanted to be able to accurately capture all emotions included both before and after this appointment. 


Before:

Today I have an appointment with my D nurse.  I'm excited for this appointment.  I know, it sounds crazy.  But for the first time in a LONG time, I think I'll have an A1C under 8.  And I think the last time that happened was when I saw her and when I had the first one.

But I also have a list of questions I need to ask.  The first being about seeing an endo.  Since I had such an awesome endo as a kid, I feel as though that is the right path.  I won't stop seeing my nurse, because she's awesome.  But there's just something in me that thinks I should also see an endo.

And then the fun questions.  When I was skiing, my 3rd and 4th toes of my right foot got tingly.  I think it only happened in the chairlift, and skiing down the mountain made it go away.  But I still don't like that feeling.  BUT, it could be because my toes are in a tight, enclosed space.  And cold.  Please pray that that is what it is.
But my feet also get tingly when I sit cross legged.  And I sit cross-legged all the time.  I know that sitting like that can enhance neuropathy.  But it's such a habit.  And even sitting here writing this I'm cross-legged.  I am trying beyond anything to stop sitting like that, because it's the only time my feet get tingly.  But Diabetes, PLEASE don't be the cause.  Please let this go away if I stop crossing my legs.  When I get the little pokey thing on my foot, please let me feel it.  Please don't make me walk away crying.

And just this week I wasn't feeling like I was at the top of the game, and as I went to bed Sunday night I realized that I have the classic Celiac symptoms.  This is the one that is most pressing on my mind at the moment.  I have friends and family who have this, so I've certainly eaten this way before, but not as a lifestyle.  Yesterday I tried to eat gluten free to see if my symptoms stayed or went away.  And guess what, they went away.  I know that one day doesn't prove anything, but it's certainly leaning in that direction.  There was more around that was gluten free than I thought there would be, but then as I was getting the kids snacks ready, I just grabbed a piece of cereal (before the milk was in it) and ate it.  If this ends up being a new "thing" for me, that is going to be one of the hardest parts.

My thoughts going into this appointment: C'mon diabetes.  I'm working at this again and now you're going to shove all this at me?!

After:


I AM KICKING DIABETES' ASS!  Yes, I need to tell you about the whole thing, but first, my A1C is 7.2!  At my last appointment it was 8.1.

I go in and do all the boring things (blood pressure, weight(it went up slightly, but I blame the rain boots and jacket), BG test and blood for A1C) and they take my pump(s) to download them.  (And I hope you didn't want a waiting room picture because I never was actually in the waiting room.)  When I was done with her, I went to wait in the exam room and I didn't even time to tweet that I was there before my nurse came in.

She asked how I was, what my basals were, which led to talking about switching pumps and how the meter remote was my deciding factor, waiting for my pumps and their reports to come back and if there was anything else I wanted to talk to her about.  I told her how I had been experiencing a few Celiac symptoms lately (my guess is that it's been a few weeks) and how on Tuesday I ate gluten free and I did not experience the symptoms.  I wanted to make sure she knew that I was not self-diagnosing, but it was the best way for me to test my theory in such a short period of time, and that I would just like to get tested.  I wasn't going to need labs today, but I think that is worth knowing.  She informed me that there are also people who are not Celiac, but have a wheat intolerance, so I may just want to cut back.  This is something I have been trying to do, but now I think I just need to focus on it a little bit more.

We continued on and she asked about my feet, so I told her my tingly feet experiences, and she did the metal vibrating tool thing on my big toe and it felt like forever before I could stop feeling.  She said she does not think I have neuropathy, it's just that when I cross my legs my blood vessels are getting squished causing my feet to feel funny.

And then my pump(s) came back with a ton of print outs and we realized that I've been going high before lunch, so we increased my breakfast insulin:carb ratio.  I told her how I was going low post lunch (a time when I'm frequently getting in the car) so I changed my basals without doing a basal test, but I'm not going low anymore.  Tuesday and Wednesday morning I woke up high, but Monday night I was eating a lot and SWAGing, so I didn't count that as a high BG in the morning, but an unsuccessful SWAG.  She agreed.

And then she said, "let's check your A1C."  And she squealed.  "Are you ready?" as she turned her computer screen to me.  But I couldn't find the number!  And she told me..."7.2"  And as I stammered through composure and smiling and a whole lot of happiness I heard "Look at what YOU did!!"  (And this statement reminded me of something I think George's doc would say)  And I managed to tell her I haven't been this low since before I started college.  If you don't me well enough and want a reference point, that was 2003.  And then even better, "I hope you're going to celebrate tonight!"  I don't know if I squealed or not, but I did when I got back to my car.  And then she told me that this number/drop is even more amazing because it wasn't achieved because of lots of and/or extreme lows.

And then I had to go back out for labs.  I was standing there waiting with all these other people and they were all looking kinda blah, and I couldn't help but smile!  I got my blood taken, scheduled my next appointment, and sat down to text my mom.  And then of course share it with all of you. I'm still riding on this high, and I couldn't be more proud of myself if I tried right now.  

Being Hard Core

Retrieved from Sunday River's facebook page

There's been a lot of posts about advocating lately, whether for yourself, or triggered because of other people or the media.  While my friend and I were enjoying ourselves in this crowd of people after amazing skiing, we encountered a potential advocacy moment.  Except that it kept right on going.  We were sitting there in one of our favorite spots (between two tiki bars and able to people watch).  All of a sudden I hear "woah, you're hard core" while one of the guys nears us points to my pump.  This was not meant as an extreme form of diabetes or the bad kind or any other misconceptions we all get.  This was meant as "you have diabetes and you're drinking just like the rest of us."  And it felt good.  And it felt even better to say, "yeah, she is too."  We talked for a few minutes about diabetes, and the guys explained that they were on a ski patrol, so they knew all about it.  (I'm not sure what all includes, but I didn't encounter any misconceptions.)

Successful SWAGing

Found

As part of Uncle Pepere's birthday celebration, I took the day off of work last Friday.  Last year I used 4.5 out of my 5 sick days, but I never took a day.  Needless to say, on Thursday, I was a happy girl.  So happy in fact, that I forgot to either make myself a sandwich or stop at Panera for one.  So as I got on my way, I realized I'd be stopping at McDonald's for my dinner.  I am not a fan of McDonald's, in fact, I gave it up in high school and only started eating it again last year because of the convenience.  Anyways, I pulled up to the drive through and saw the sign that the Shamrock Shakes are back.  I like these, and I've only ever had one.  And I don't plan on being back at McDonald's any time soon.  But now, how on Earth do I bolus for this?!  Especially if you're feeling low, and have a 3.5 hour drive in front of you?  I bolused for 90 grams of carbs, with the correction for 30 happening right away, and the other 60 over the course of the next half hour.  I finished the shake about 40 minutes later, so I thought at least my timing was right.  When I bolused, I had a BG of 126 mg/dL.  When I got to the next rest stop in Maine about an hour and a half later, I was 101 mg/dL.  I was freaking ecstatic!  I am never a successful SWAGer, and mostly because I haven't paid enough attention over the last eight years to know whether I'm successful or not.  But I didn't want to jinx it, so I didn't say a thing online.  Getting off the highway I was 129 mg/dL and when I reached my family at Sunday River I was at 151 mg/dL.  I had successfully SWAGed!!

*For those of you who don't know what a SWAG is: Scientific Wild Ass Guess

Happy Birthday

This weekend I went up to Sunday River to celebrate a 75th Birthday for one of my most favorite people in the world: 

Uncle Pepere turns 75!

We skiied

Megan, me, Michael & Karolyn

We love good trails

And we enjoyed time with family

The whole gang to celebrate the man front & center

cousins :)

And we had a lot of laughs in the process.  I hope everyone else had a great weekend too :)

Coffee Meetup

Last week I had the pleasure of taking the DOC outside of the screen of my computer.  I got to meet Allison for coffee.  It was just the two of us, but it was a great first DOC meetup for me.  We talked about sensitivity, scar tissue, diabetes & heart problems (and just heart disease in general), what larger DOC meetups are like, and then "real life" things, like apartments & jobs.  It was quick, since it was while Girl Genius was in school.  But it felt great.  To meet someone new, and to meet someone that I already consider I know.  Thank you Allison :)

There's a New T3

In the past month I have been the most happy and stressed out person you'll come across.  And I've tried to keep it under wraps, but it's hard!  So today I want to introduce you to "The Boy."  This is a big deal for me because I've been single, for, well, a long time.  When I first met him, I wasn't sure if he knew about my diabetes.  And I was nervous to bring it up.  But I didn't have to.  On our second date he asked question after question to learn more, but before even showing up, he looked it up online.  Now I'm not sure what he found, but he found my blog too.  That was a little unnerving, but it's good.  We went skiing one day and after he asked if I'd ever heard of Ray Allen.  I knew where this was going, until he said "Well I think I might sign up."  I don't know what my face looked like, but I think my heart grew just like the Grinch's.  This was our third date!  And I thought guys were the ones with commitment issues?  And then he stayed over one night, and I woke up in the middle of the night, right around 3AM, and I knew I needed to test.  I usually turn on the light, but I didn't want to wake him up, so it took me forever.  That night, I was fine, but all of a sudden I hear "are you okay?"  So then I'm so freaking happy I can't fall back asleep.  And when I tell him this. "I didn't mean to make you not sleep!"  I mean, really, he's a good one.

two hours worth of lows (missing one though)

He had his own medical issues this weekend, (planned and perfectly healthy - no worries) so I went over to help, and of course I had a marathon low right before going to sleep that included five juice boxes and two hours without insulin.  And then I get the question of "What kind of juice boxes do you want me to get for you?"  Those pictured above are my favorite, but if you're willing to buy me juice boxes, I'm not going to complain.  Although, having to say "the ones that say they're great for toddlers, those are the ones I like" feels a little embarrassing.  The Boy is my addition to the T3 Community, and so far he's passing with flying colors (so to speak).

Of course, laughing over simple things, and going skiing, and watching football, and making fun of trees, and being supportive in the stressful things I mentioned earlier, they are all important pieces of The Boy, but I wanted to share the D pieces first.  

Melting My Heart

Earlier this week, as I was eating lunch with Boy & Girl Genius, I was overcome with heat.  And I knew.  I knew that I was low.  I did a temp basal of 0% for a half hour, and after the kids were done with lunch, I went and tested and I was 56 mg/dl.  Girl Genius had just come back downstairs and she was talking to me about Coffee (the stuffed/pretend dog) and what we should name his friends.  I wish that I could get a picture of him for you, but they are attached at the hip.  Coffee eats lunch, breakfast and dinner every day, and when he wags his tail, he gets me in the knees. As Girl Genius was asking me how to spell Emily so she could make a nametag for Coffee's friend, I walked over to the fridge, grabbed the juice and poured myself a nice glass and sucked it down.  (Although, I like my juicy juice better because the cold makes it harder to gulp.)
Girl Genius looks at me, "Briley, are you low?"
Me: "Mmm."
Girl Genius: "Okay, I'll go in the playroom now.  Will you tell me when you're better so we can play again?"
This little 4 year old melts my heart.  She's been asking me "What temperature is your blood sugar?" when I test lately, so I thought she wasn't understanding any of it, but she's four, so I don't mind as much.  And then when my "patience" is wearing thin, she totally gets it!  This is the moment when it's worth it.  I'm sure that it stinks to have your nanny all of a sudden be sitting on the sideline, but she handled it with such grace!  Those symptoms hung around for quite a while, but as soon as they were over, we were singing Christmas music and making name tags for all the friends, as if nothing got in the way.

December 16: The Christmas Song

Baking Cookies

I decided that this would be a good weekend to spend in NH.  There wasn't really much going on in Boston, so I headed home.  I started my day on Saturday in Boston with a run and a crazy BG drop (but I didn't go low), then drove up for the University of Oregon vs. Oregon State Civil War football game. I enjoyed good food, good company, and a great game with my parents and some friends.  On Sunday, I helped my mother decorate the house, and we went to pick out a Christmas tree, and we watched Eloise, and then we baked cookies.  We started with the gingerbread cookies, and then moved onto sugar cookies.  The child in me jumped at the opportunity for the sugar cookies because I got to use all the cookie cutters.  I made snowmen, santas, candy canes, bells and nutcrackers.  As a kid, my two most favorites were a large bell and large snowman.  They were my favorite because Mom would make a special exception for me to be able to eat those, even though it was closer to three starches.  They are the simplist of our cookie cutters, but they were mine.  And I could only make one of each.  As I compared them to our new cookie cutters, with fancy decorations, the "large" bell and snowman don't seem so large anymore.  I mentioned this to my mother, and she remembers this too.  It seemed a little crazy to both of us.  We kept on going though, but I still marvel at how big our cookies are.  And of course, the projected carb count/starches are running through my mind.  Along with, "how did she manage to give me a cookie worth 3 starches?"  We were almost ready to bake them, and we got out the sugar and sprinkles and other fun decorations.  I went to town with red and greens and whites and combos of all the above.  (I don't use the silver balls anymore though, because what's the point of decorating a cookie with something you're not supposed to eat?)  I kept some cookies free for my father though, since he doesn't have a sweet tooth.  And then mom says, "do you want me to make some frosting?"  As a kid, I can remember wanting frosting on the cookies more than anything else in the world.  But we never used frosting.  With the tennis team in college, we decorated cookies and mine were so intricate.  I didn't even notice.  Everyone else did, and when they mentioned it to me, all I could say was "I've never been able to decorate with frosting before."  So mom makes her frosting and she gets out her fancy frosting thing-a-ma-bobber and I start to decorate.  After a while, I'm sick of it, so we add red food coloring and then the rest green.  I've never been a marathon cookie maker, so after a while, I turn to mom and have her finish them.  As she's loading the last onto the drying rack, she says, "you know, we never did this when you were little."  "Yea, that darn diabetes and starches got in the way."  Our cookie baking tradition continues, but now we get to make them even better.

December 7: Happy Christmas

Good Friends

Last week I got together with one of my old friends.  We met in elementary school and started to lose touch in high school, but we were both still there for each other no matter what, we just had a different group of friends.  We lost touch in college, but it's easy for that to happen when you go to school thousands of miles apart.  (Keep in mind this was before facebook even existed.)  And while I still don't get to see her a lot, having her back in my life this year is something I'm very grateful for.

Back in seventh grade, I was still scared going home all by myself after school.  Her parents moved within a couple miles of my house the year before, so I went home with her & her sister every day after school that year. The summer between sixth and seventh grade, she was over my house, going to my neighbor's pool, and I took out my poke bag to test before leaving.  She started asking my mom questions (and I guess me too.)  "What is her reading supposed to be?"  "What is a good snack?"  "What do I do if she goes low?"  I'm not sure if those are the exact questions, but you get the idea.  Keep in mind, also, that this was in 1997.  I didn't carry a meter to/from school with me, I had a strict eating schedule and what to eat (starch, fruit, protein, etc.), and I only tested at breakfast, lunch, dinner & bedtime.  That day, her asking all those questions, it's a day that stands out in my mind.  It's the day that a friend without diabetes tried to understand, and know how to help her friend with diabetes.

As I took out my pump to bolus for the delicious pizza that sat before us, she had more questions.  Who can blame her; the knowledge I gave her is 13 years old.  It's nice to have a friend that I can still count on to make me feel better about having diabetes.  We talked about how the insulin pump works, what the basal is, and what a bolus is and why you need it.  I tested my blood sugar and then we went back to talking about other things, like jobs, apartments and everything else that goes on in our lives.  She's been there for me through thick and thin, and it's nice to know that with everything else, she still takes the time to ask & learn about diabetes.

Memories

The other day I had a lot of memories come rushing in and I want to make them fit here.  The reason they fit, they have nothing to do with diabetes.

I got to work the other morning and Girl Genius & Mom Genius were sitting at the table eating breakfast.  Girl Genius was wrapped in a fleece blanket.  I remember sitting with my mother at our breakfast table one morning, when all of a sudden we heard lots of pounding upstairs and then all of a sudden Fluffy came rolling down the stairs.  We had a little beagle, Rags, who was jealous of Fluffy and would "attack" him any chance she got.  This moment, while seemingly annoying, also funny & impressive because Fluffy was definitely bigger than Rags.

This week has been kind of rainy, and the other day Girl Genius & I were walking to pick up Boy Genius & a friend from school.  We were bundled up in our pink raincoats, our boots, and we had a big red & white umbrella.  Unfortunately, this umbrella wasn't quite working correctly so every so often, it would collapse down and we'd get a giant puddle dumping down on us.  None of us were really excited about it, but I was in  a good mood despite the rain, so I said "It's an adventure!"  It reminded me of walking home from the bar with my roommate in college and it started to rain.  We took off our shoes & started dancing in the street.  It wasn't about the rain, or the people, or anything else.  It was just about enjoying the moment, no matter what was "in the way."

Mom Genius

From September 21, 2010

Yesterday was quite possibly one of the best diabetes days I've had in a long time (minus the shitfaced low after picking up Boy Genius from school).  It wasn't however, one of the best work days.  At the end of the day, I was waiting to talk to Mom Genius before she took Boy & Girl Genius out to dinner with the neighbors.   This neighbor dad all of a sudden looked at me and said, "Is that an insulin pump?"  It was a moment of "Crap, I've been noticed."  There are a lot of times where I am ready to stand up and fight for diabetes like you wouldn't believe.  It's something that gets my blood going.  Last night, getting ready to leave work was not one of those times.  He was asking me a lot of questions/misconceptions because his mother-in-law is sick of taking shots during the day.  He was not being rude, he was just trying to gather information, and I was trying to explain it in the briefest way possible and I explained about how meters are not as accurate as one would think (hoping Mom Genius catches on and tries to do something about it).  From here I talked about how for so long I didn't want a pump, but now that I've had one for 9 years, I love it, how I still have to carry around a meter, tabs and a pen or needles & bottle, and Mom Genius just said, "She's amazing."  This is Mom Genius!  This is my boss.  This is the smartest woman I've ever met.  This is my connection to the future, and she thinks I'm amazing because of/for my diabetes!

I've been Inspired...

From Sept. 15, 2010

I’ve been getting inspired by a lot of people lately, and it started with this girl to my right.  She introduced me to sixuntilme.com where I have since become more inspired to be a better “person with diabetes.” (I hate the proper term, I am a diabetic.  Deal with it.)  You would think my mother’s “It was never this bad when I was in charge” would motivate me, but it hasn’t.  It just gets me more upset.  The last people to inspire me are Boy Genius & Girl Genius.  School just started again and these two loves are so smart that I wish I could keep up.

REBEL: Sometime this winter, after I moved to Boston, and Rebel was looking at different summer camps where she could do a summer internship, I sent her a link to Clara Barton Camp because it is in Massachusetts.  Knowing how her parents followed her to college, I never actually thought it would happen, but it did!  A girl who has lived in the same town as her parents her entire life, suddenly was 3,000 miles away from them for 12 weeks.  And I was the one to blame! Suddenly my “attached at the ear” friend was now attached at the hip.  And one day, I get a “should I run a marathon?”  Clearly I’m going to say yes.  This is the girl who convinced me, ME!, that I could run a ten mile race, and I did.  If she had belief in me, I have belief in her, and she’s a runner to begin with.  So now she’s signed up to run the NY marathon for Clara Barton Camp.  Not only will I be beyond proud, I get to see her in 50 days which is about 6 months earlier than being lucky to see her in 9 months.  One day I get tagged in this crazy facebook picture of these bright orange sneakers, with a meter, keys, and poker in the shoelaces because I’m one of the people that is really excited she’s running a marathon.  All of a sudden I get a call because “that blogger I love” wants to use this picture!  Okay, I think you’re pretty wacky for running, so I want to see how she’s going to use this.

Now I’m reading about this woman who has had diabetes a few years longer than me, isn’t that much older than me, and is so amazingly articulate that I fear I’ll never get into grad school.  (Grad school is still very far off.)  So far in my life that people that have inspired me to do more with my diabetes were my first camp counselor (who didn’t have diabetes) and all the people I have met throughout my camp experience.  As a camper, this was an amazing feeling.  As a camp counselor and adult, this is not a great method.  While I love these people, these are not people I talk to about real life.  I talk to them about crazy songs and how great camp is because it is like a diabetes vacation.  I don’t want to diminish the value of my friends I have made at camp, but being 25 years old, it is time to start having an adult as a role model who knows exactly what you’re going through because she’s been there before.  My mother wants to be my inspiration, and I can’t blame her, but she’s mom so she’s more of a nag than an inspiration.  sixuntilme.com is my internal motivator which is positive rather than an external motivator, which isn’t as positive for me (Hello early childhood degree, glad to know I still remember your little details.)

Boy Genius & Girl Genius: These two have become little loves of mine.  In the past 4 weeks of work, Boy Genius and I are good.  Even just two months ago, I never thought I’d say that.  He is so smart.  I cannot even express how his mind works.  I wish that I could.  Today we had an in depth conversation about the differences between manual and automatic transmissions in cars.  Yesterday though, on the way home from school, we were tickling each other the whole way.  That never would have happened two months ago.  I am not quite sure why this happened, but I love every minute of it.  This new-found Boy Genius makes me feel like I am making a difference, and I was skeptical of that for a long time with him.  Girl Genius is Girl Genius and just as loving and cuddly as ever.  It makes me happy/hopeful/fearful for the past, future & future.