Remember that scary low I told you about?
Well, it's still messing with my head. I go through my days fearing numbers which are admittedly perfect (between 100-110). Because lower than that, and I'm in double digits. 90s. Scary. 80s. Even Scarier. 70s. Give me that juice! 60s. Give me juice, get me a chair and don't talk to me! I don't think I've been lower than that, and that's good because where else can I go from there. So I admittedly have been running a little high this week, but mostly in the 140s range, which is not horrible. Over-treating lows? Absolutely. And that's just during the day. When I get home at night, I make dinner and eat dinner and I hang out, whether talking to friends or not, and trying to get up the courage to record my You Can Do This video. Instead I watch others, (and this one over and over) and try to ignore the head games that diabetes is playing with me. And then I try to go to bed. And I sit on my couch scared to walk into my bedroom. My bedroom is cozy, cool and comforting and diabetes has made it scary. I don't want to go to sleep at night. I read and play Angry Birds so that I literally can't keep my eyes open anymore. Only then am I able to go to sleep. Living alone and being alone? It's scary right now. That's what 23 does to a person!
I want diabetes to leave me alone. I know that in time I will be comfortable again, and I'll go to sleep at decent times and I won't lack patience anymore, and I won't need to survive on a caffeine drip because of the lack of sleep because of the fear. I know that day will come. But here, this week? Not a chance.