When I went to bed on Friday night, I was 75, so I trekked downstairs and grabbed some juice. At my parents house there are these small orange cups that are the perfect size for a low BG correction. On Saturday, I woke up, and I already felt stressed out. That lovely meter confirmed it: 329. I knew that it would be a tough day to get through, but I didn't think the stress would start before I even got out of bed. I rolled out of bed and got in the shower. I had waited for my bolus to finish before jumping in, so post shower I was 286. I get dressed, do my hair, eat breakfast and then change my outfit. My mother didn't approve (and I can't blame her) because my pants were much shorter than I remembered, so they looked rediculous with the shoes that I brought. But maybe Grampa did that for me since my grandmother layed out his clothes for him every single day they were married of sixty-three years? We get ready to leave to go pick up Grammy and I'm 225. We get in the car and we're not even on the second road and I start crying. I mean, haven't I cried enough, I thought I would be sorta okay on Saturday. (There was the day/week he died, the day of the memorial service & our birthday has passed) It's mom piping up saying "Please tell me someone remembered to bring my father."
this song came on the radio and I fought those tears tooth & nail.
We got to the cemetery and met Aunt Cathy, Uncle Jack, Andrew & Ashton. I see the Dea family plot for the first time in my life (as far as I can remember). We get out of the car, get the flowers, and on the far side of the large family stone is a cooler. Aunt Cathy passes out shot glasses and fills them with Jim Beam and we all take a shot for Grampa. Jim Beam was his drink of choice (or Bloody Mary's) and Grampa, I love you, but holy crap, how did you drink that?! And Grammy had about 3. "We" shared stories and memories and oh dear, those tears just let loose again, when Aunt Cathy looked over at me, looked at Grampa's space between his father & brother and said "Dad, you'd be so proud of me, I didn't even cry!" And then she started crying too. Everyone spoke, everyone shared memories, everyone said, "I love you." Except for me. I knew that if I spoke, words would not form. I may not be as calm as Grampa, but we are connected in a way I can't explain except for 09/12. We took his flag from the Veterans and staked the flowers in front of his site, and left to head off to lunch.
Dad stopped at Dunkins for Mom & I, and that helped, but I really just wanted a nap. I tried to escape many times to my room, but that wood stove was going, so I tried downstairs instead. No such luck. I made a delicious treat to bring to Amanda's, and I helped Mom do the dishes and I got "yelled" at for sitting at the computer and other things. I took the time to play my music and straighten my hair, and before getting ready to go the neighbor's Halloween party, I was 320. Again, I wasn't surprised. there was stress, tiredness, and tears. I bolused then put together a ski bunny costume to wear to the garage party. I ate delicious food and I saw a really cute bunny, an excited Dorothy, a creepy cat, and I sat with a game & liquor store.